Listening to Ayaka’s single, Mikazuki, repeatedly as I tell myself this is going to be my last ’emo’ post for the year.
I can’t remain in this sorry state knowing the great things You have prepared for me.
Tonight its not going to be about how much she doesn’t care, but how much You do.
I’m giving up on everything… except You and Your finished work.
You say this year’s going to be a year when salvation and the free favours of God profusely abound!
And I say Amen!
I’m coming Home dad… and I’m gonna Shine.
Easter break was 5 days short… compared to the 4 weeks fellow UK students have. I had plan to visit long time buddy Wai Sam in London but didn’t and I blame it on the ridiculously expensive air tickets.
I wanted to get away from school. Inspired by JZ’s post Faraway Lights on how “we can miss someone so much that all we can do is run away”, I left school with my laptop, a few clothes and headed to my friend’s place in the little town below.
My friend was away at another town, working at some chinese restaurant so I had the entire ‘apartment’ to myself. It was a pretty awesome experience with many times feeling like a scene from one of Murakami’s novels. I’ve always found cooking to be therepeutic so I did some cooking only to realize my culinary skills just got much worst. Above all it was a much needed escape with Him.
I’ll let the pictures do the talking.
Onion Egg + Cabbage
Peach Tea, the healthier alternative to Beer 😛
The one-bedroom, one-living room, one-kitchen, one-toilet apartment
The View Outside – Aigle Town Center
The relatively trusty laptop
Her 21st B’day Present ^^,
At times I wonder why is it always so different for me. When it seems so easy for everyone else, I find it to be an almost impossible task. Then again, maybe I never wanted it to be easy; I wanted it to be different.
It should not be easy. It should be more than a few tricks, sweet talk and gifts. How can someone so significant, so precious be won over by such ordinary means. I want it to be much more than these, to know that I’d still care even after the fleeting emotions leave, to care even when things don’t turn out the way I expect them to, to care even when she doesn’t.
Its such an insurmountable task that I knew I’d never be able to do it. Everytime I try to contemplate on the possibilities, the circumstances remind me that it’s just not possible to do it on my own.
More than I fear my self effort will ruin whatever small chances the relationship has, I fear of Your disapproval. Perhaps that’s why I’ve been hesitant to trust You. While it may be a pure lie from the devil or paranoia, I get the idea You’re not willing to make this work. This would have been fine with me looking at how I was determined to not be in a relationship, but then she came along.
Daddy God, I know its not the time. I know it, she knows it and You know it. But what I wanna know is will I have Your approval when the time is right? I want You to be at the center of this relationship. I want it to work out cause I really do love her.
In any case Daddy, I’ll wait.
I don’t wanna rush and I’m going to let go, one finger at a time, trusting that You’re going to make everything work out for our good. It’s the only way.
Daddy God, I know You’ve been waiting…
perhaps its time You work the miracles, and I’ll wait.