She walked into the study, silently watching as I went about my work. I sensed her delicate presence, as if beauty itself just walked into the room. I stopped what I was doing, turned around and saw someone so beautiful , she could only be the creation of a beautiful and captivating God; and not just any creation, but the crown of creation, His masterpiece, His finishing touch.
I knelt down right in front of her, looked at her beautiful face, into her captivating eyes and said ‘I love you’. Hoping that she’d realize how beautiful and precious she is to me, that she is everything I’m willing to fight for…
Hoping she’d know that she’s Daddy’s Little Girl.
” …how people often start together but slowly drift into their separate ways.”
– Makoto Shinkai, 5 centimeters per second
I am was worried that somehow we would drift apart, into our separate ways. The past months were better than awesome because of you, but its no longer May and we’re no longer in Switzerland.
I know my worries are unfounded and even selfish, but I am scared because I know there’s only ONE of you. You’ve given me reassurance that things will remain no matter what, but still I worry cause we change, circumstances change.
Then, I’m reminded of how ‘people start together’. The odds, the chances, the probability of us coming to know each other and getting along as we did is beyond all these petty worries. Call it fate, coincidence, karma or whatever, but I know its much more than just chance – it’s Him.
If He could bring people together against all odds, I’m counting on Him to keep us together against all odds.
I spent my first day being 21 in Singapore, and I’m happy you were part of it.
I’m worried no more, cause I know great days are coming. I’m sure of it.
In the midst of
endeavouring to complete that 12,000 word document,
attempting to pack 40+ kg of luggage into 2 suitcases,
planning for the awesome times ahead with Jie in Singapore,
and trying to make sense of it all…
I’m losing my appetite, my sleep, my focus.
My thoughts are everywhere…
Family, Jie, Birthday, Singapore, Church, Dissertation…
*Take A Breather*
that was the first line on JZ’s blog post and just what I needed.
I’m in the final stages of completing my degree, I’m about to go home after almost a year in Switzerland, I’m about to celebrate my 21st b’day, I’m about to attend service at NCC again, I’m about to see Jie :D…
There’s so much to be grateful for, if only I’d Stop. Take a breather, and take in all the blessings He has for me.
A number of posts back I was writing about the “Next Semester“… and now the semester’s coming to an end.
I’ve reached the final week of BA with 1 more report to go and a dissertation to complete in the next one and a half months. I’m excited that the semester’s coming to an end, but even more so, I’m excited that its going to end with a bang!
To say that this is my most eventful semester wouldn’t have been too far off. I’ve been getting away from the school way more than I ever did in previous semesters and stumbled upon several pleasant discoveries. As usual, there were the sleepless deadline weeks followed by drinking sessions. And out of oblivion came the infatuation, the disappointment and heartaches.
But thats all in the past… I’m thrilled to see the semester ending on a high note which would have not been possible without Jie. Never would I think of finding a best friend whom I could share my heart out to in Switzerland, whatmore a sister? I may not have found a partner, but knowing Jie in return is way more than I could ever hope for.
I talked about my grandma, the memories of flying home in First Year, of watching her go. I’ve NEVER been so blatantly open to anyone about this, fearing that all I get for pouring my heartfelt thoughts out would only result in patronizing replies or sympathetic faces… but Jie understood. Jie’s acceptance for who I am has been such an encouragement allowing me to truly be me and acting the way I would in front of my closest family members.
Jie’s graduating next Saturday, and I’m hoping You would EXCEED her expectations…
I’ll be leaving the school by the end of the week and moving to my new home for the remaining days in Swiss. I’m looking forward to sipping afternoon tea with Sam and the Queen on the 11th and finally returning for good on the 15th a month later.
This season’s ending with a bang and I can’t wait for the next to begin – in Singapore.
Jie wondered how we’d be like when we both grow up…
while I can’t predict the future, I know she will always be my Jie.
Listening to Ayaka’s single, Mikazuki, repeatedly as I tell myself this is going to be my last ’emo’ post for the year.
I can’t remain in this sorry state knowing the great things You have prepared for me.
Tonight its not going to be about how much she doesn’t care, but how much You do.
I’m giving up on everything… except You and Your finished work.
You say this year’s going to be a year when salvation and the free favours of God profusely abound!
And I say Amen!
I’m coming Home dad… and I’m gonna Shine.
Easter break was 5 days short… compared to the 4 weeks fellow UK students have. I had plan to visit long time buddy Wai Sam in London but didn’t and I blame it on the ridiculously expensive air tickets.
I wanted to get away from school. Inspired by JZ’s post Faraway Lights on how “we can miss someone so much that all we can do is run away”, I left school with my laptop, a few clothes and headed to my friend’s place in the little town below.
My friend was away at another town, working at some chinese restaurant so I had the entire ‘apartment’ to myself. It was a pretty awesome experience with many times feeling like a scene from one of Murakami’s novels. I’ve always found cooking to be therepeutic so I did some cooking only to realize my culinary skills just got much worst. Above all it was a much needed escape with Him.
I’ll let the pictures do the talking.
Onion Egg + Cabbage
Peach Tea, the healthier alternative to Beer 😛
The one-bedroom, one-living room, one-kitchen, one-toilet apartment
The View Outside – Aigle Town Center
The relatively trusty laptop
Her 21st B’day Present ^^,
At times I wonder why is it always so different for me. When it seems so easy for everyone else, I find it to be an almost impossible task. Then again, maybe I never wanted it to be easy; I wanted it to be different.
It should not be easy. It should be more than a few tricks, sweet talk and gifts. How can someone so significant, so precious be won over by such ordinary means. I want it to be much more than these, to know that I’d still care even after the fleeting emotions leave, to care even when things don’t turn out the way I expect them to, to care even when she doesn’t.
Its such an insurmountable task that I knew I’d never be able to do it. Everytime I try to contemplate on the possibilities, the circumstances remind me that it’s just not possible to do it on my own.
More than I fear my self effort will ruin whatever small chances the relationship has, I fear of Your disapproval. Perhaps that’s why I’ve been hesitant to trust You. While it may be a pure lie from the devil or paranoia, I get the idea You’re not willing to make this work. This would have been fine with me looking at how I was determined to not be in a relationship, but then she came along.
Daddy God, I know its not the time. I know it, she knows it and You know it. But what I wanna know is will I have Your approval when the time is right? I want You to be at the center of this relationship. I want it to work out cause I really do love her.
In any case Daddy, I’ll wait.
I don’t wanna rush and I’m going to let go, one finger at a time, trusting that You’re going to make everything work out for our good. It’s the only way.
Daddy God, I know You’ve been waiting…
perhaps its time You work the miracles, and I’ll wait.